


Dignity of a Madman

by HisGlasses



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Gil tried so hard, Gilgardyn, Gilgardyn Week, Hurt No Comfort, I warn you, M/M, Madness, They deserved better, This Is Sad, Yelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 09:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16281980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HisGlasses/pseuds/HisGlasses
Summary: A short fic I wrote for Gilgardynweek 2018.Chapter 1 covers day 6, chapter 2 covers day 7.The day when Ardyn left and the day when Gilgamesh did. Dawn will break.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Day 6 - "You've changed"

“Death is the only final thing there is, my friend. The only certainty we are given in life. Sometimes the only time we are truly at peace.”

Countless times he had repeated this cheap saying, faking wisdom when he had found nothing else to say. The sick had wept and he let them, comforting them until their tears ran dry, only to see that their sickness had traded places with a soothing glow in the hue of the morning sun. Giving hope when there was none. Making miracles happen. That was just what he had always done.

What a charade.

Those healing hands that had been greeted with warm welcomes and gratitude were now labeled as stained, unclean. Bruised on the journey and their colour warped to ill purples, the only greeting those hands received was that of iron bangles, rust mimicking the blotchy texture of the skin.

Death was the only final thing, Ardyn still believed this. But he couldn’t quite fathom that soon he would draw his final breath, his heart beat its final beat.  
It was certain.  
It was not right.

Ardyn lowered his hands again, the cold metal sliding against his wrists, almost scraping away what flakes of skin could still be found there.

It was a joke.  
Sentenced to death by his own brother. Little Somnus with those deep blue butterfly eyes that had been full of admiration but were now cold as the Glacian’s kiss. Pitch-black hair adorned with the golden ornament that had been meant to crown a head with hair of a much warmer shade.

“This man is a monster, a threat to all of us”, the young king had proclaimed. He had basically yelled at him. Him. The one who had sacrificed himself for the people, the Gods, the greater good.

“You have changed”, Somnus had hissed at him in disgust before Ardyn’s memory had turned blurry and he only remembered being taken away.  
The Gods hadn’t said anything.

_The greater good._

Nothing but a weak excuse to send him on pilgrimage away from home, to burden himself with the plague only to be thrown away like any ordinary cleaning rag, a mere replaceable tool.

_You have changed._

Clenching his hands to fists Ardyn roared out a feral scream that echoed back in wrath and despair from the naked stone walls.

The sound of his voice had not yet died down as the massive door was unexpectedly opened.  
His face still frozen in a grimace Ardyn jerked around his head. A man of tall build had entered his cell, a hood hanging deep over his masked face.

“Oh, and what brings you here?”, Ardyn snarled at the strong figure that approached him slowly.  
“A last glimpse at the rumoured daemon man everybody talks about, perhaps? You must know, curiosity kills the cat. We would not want to have you drop dead here by chance, would we?”

The visitor stopped a few steps away from the crouched prisoner people had come to call ‘the Accursed’.

“Scared now, are we?”, Ardyn snapped, glaring at the two dark slits of the metal face cover.  
“Go ahead, laugh at me from your safe distance. It’s not like I- ”

“I have not come to mock you.”  
The man pulled down his hood and took off the finely chiseled mask. Long silvery hair flowed down his shoulders and Ardyn found himself fixed by a familiar pair of pale eyes that were directed at him under concerned brows.

“Gil...?”  
Golden eyes widened in surprise, maybe in remnants of joy as Gilgamesh knelt to match Ardyn’s height.

“I am relieved to meet you with unclouded senses”, Gilgamesh answered in a low voice. He reached out for Ardyn’s face and tucked a wayward strand of berry coloured hair behind his ear. His hand felt warm and smooth.  
“I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I hadn’t been able to speak to you once more. How are you feeling?”

Ardyn realised that his Shield - no. His companion. He realised that he was talking to him but he couldn’t make any sense out of the words that were flying in and out of his head. Gilgamesh had come, so things had to clear up. He had always known a way to lighten up Ardyn’s mood just by being there.  
The golden eyes wandered over his friend’s appearance, his gaze inevitably hovering over the prominent cut spreading over the whole length of Gilgamesh’s face. A rather fresh wound as it seemed.

“What happened to you, Gil?”  
Ardyn slowly shook his head. He didn’t remember him taking any direct blows to the face. The monsters weren’t that bold. And Gilgamesh was a Shield. He wouldn’t crack just like that.

The Shield pursed his lips and remained silent, his eyes still fixed on Ardyn.

“What?”  
Something moved in Ardyn’s chest. Something that was ready to crawl and spread over his whole body from the inside, vivid and raging. He felt nauseous.  
“Is that _pity_ I see in your eyes?”

Gilgamesh drew a heavy breath.  
“So it is true”, the silver haired man whispered to himself.  
“Ardyn, I am... I deeply apologise for I have failed to protect you. Forgive me that I could not prevent you from being harmed.”

Ardyn’s expression softened again as the bubbling in his throat died down and his irritation changed to concerned confusion.  
“You are making no sense. I do not understand.”

“You really don’t remember, do you?”

The sadness in Gilgamesh’s voice was suspicious.  
“What do you mean?”

“Listen, Ardyn, I do not blame you for- ”

“What do you mean?!”  
Ardyn’s voice screeched and almost made Gilgamesh jump.  
Almost.  
“What’s that pitiful look for? I can’t remember needing anyone’s pity, let alone yours, Gilgamesh!”

“I am not pitying you, I- ”

“Liar!”, Ardyn bellowed when he paused midway. He could feel wrath coursing through his veins and for a short moment, he had the impression of looking at the scene from a third person’s point of view.  
“What is this, Gil?”

A pained expression flashed across Gilgamesh’s freshly scarred face.  
“Ardyn, I need you to be calm and listen.”

His pale eyes locked with widened golden ones, rimmed with a thick black substance. Ardyn would listen. Probably.  
“Your brother waited for us to come back. You wrote him we would. But as we arrived at the gates we found ourselves arrested. The fear of the plague, you know? And the rumours. You remember them, right?”

“How could I forget”, Ardyn spat.

“Right. You... You lost your temper, Ardyn. You dashed towards your brother in order to kill him off. I couldn’t let that happen, so...”  
The tall man ran a hand along his scar.  
“I took the blow instead.”

Ardyn’s head was spiraling.  
“You _protected_ my _brother_?!”

“I protected _you_ ”, Gilgamesh answered firmly.  
“There were soldiers all over the place. They would have killed you in an instant.”

“Oh wonderful! Now I am dying anyway. What difference would it have made?”

“I believe you are a man of honour and you are not just anyone. You are not a criminal, Ardyn. You are the Healer. I would never let you die on the street like that.”

“Healer.”  
A hysterical laugh echoed from the walls in cacophony.  
“Nobody believes this anymore, Gil. It’s nothing more than a bad joke. Listen to them talking. I have grown into nothing but a monster to them. They _fear_ me. I am tired of maintaining facades and false gratitude. This is what that hypocritical brat was after all along.”

“Ardyn- ”

“ _I_ was supposed to be king, Gil! Chosen by the Gods, a benevolent leader to mankind with you by my side. But Somnus has always wanted this. The power, being on top. He let _me_ do the dirty work so that _he_ could spread all of this malice and get what he wanted. This filthy traitor.”

Gilgamesh cautiously placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder.  
“Things have gone terribly wrong and I am but another failure at your side. Forgive me that I have not been of more use. If it is only the end, I will make it right again.”

With a clatter of his leg armour Gilgamesh stood and slid the mask back onto his face.

“You are a true friend, Gil.”  
Ardyn’s mouth twisted into a wicked grin, his eyes opened wide in excitement.  
“I knew it was you I could count on, all this time. No matter what you say, you never failed me. How could I possibly have done all this without you? So you have come to help me flee from here, yes? To help me let justice prevail, take back what is ours?””

The red haired man’s face fell as the masked one shook his head.

“I fear we have trespassed the lines of sanity, my dear friend. There is but one thing left for me to do. At dawn you will face your end but do not fear. I will be the one guiding you. Your misery shall come to an end by the same hands that have been unable to protect you. It is my wish to offer this certainty I failed to give when I should have.”

“Gil...”

Black liquid dripped from Ardyn’s chin, his features frozen in disbelief.

“The plague has gotten to your mind”, Gilgamesh continued, “and I regret to see myself powerless before it. I can see it eating away what good is left of you, leaving behind the twisted shadow of a once bright soul.”  
He let out a faint sigh.  
“You have changed.”

Those words stirred something in the mind of the fallen. Ardyn jerked up his face, only to see Somnus’ face flash up before his eyes, even though it was his closest friend he should have seen.  
“I changed?”, Ardyn snarled. “I. _Changed_?!”

Something deep down cried out loud as the darkness took over.

“I am afraid so”, Gilgamesh inclined his head ruefully, the person whom he had cared for and cared about all those past years writhing and heaving in front of him. Ardyn’s clear moments had become scarce over the last months, but he had never seemed to remember when he had been out.  
“I am so sorry.”

“You say my _beast_ of a _brother_ is right?!”  
The chains holding the daemon together rattled in fury, pinning him to the floor.

“I guess in that point His Majesty is- ”

“His WHAT?!”

Lunatic eyes scurried over the once well known body, raging, searching until they came to spot a silver plate, still new and shiny over the journey ragged attire.

“YOU ARE WEARING HIS _CREST_?!”

Gilgamesh flinched.  
“Ardyn, please. It is my task given by the Gods to be the King’s Shield. I do bear his crest, yes, but that does not mea- ”

“TRAITOR!”  
The unnaturally high pitched voice was painful to the ears.  
“I TRUSTED YOU! YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE!”

“Ar- ”

“I CURSE YOU, GILGAMESH!”, the creature screeched.  
“HE SHALL NEVER HAVE YOU! AND YOU SHALL KNOW NO PEACE!”

“For the time I have left, I shan’t then”, Gilgamesh returned lowly.  
“But if there is one thing you taught me, dear friend, it is that this state will not be final. I will know peace in death and death comes for certain.”

Ardyn, or rather the shell that remained of him screamed when his longest and closest companion retreated to the entrance.  
“I hope there is peace for you in death as well. You deserve to rest.”

Everything had turned against him, the man once praised as saviour now painted in a devil’s shade.  
How odd.  
As Ardyn lay on the cold ground, breathless and exhausted, all strung up in marks of the Scourge he made a last attempt to call upon the Gods. Ask them where he went wrong, why they did not show for guidance and if he could be forgiven.  
His prayers stayed unanswered. None of the Gods manifested.

The last bit of his soul shattered with an ugly sound.

Soon enough the dawn broke.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7 - Reunion

“Death is the only final thing there is, my friend. The only certainty we are given in life. Sometimes the only time we are truly at peace.”  
After all those lifetimes his own voice was still chasing after him, reverberating in his head as if to create countless facets of the archaic saying. He had found out that none of those facets would ever be true.

Ardyn was wandering the lands, a carefree stroll through what had remained of Eos, the light of a decaying sun barely enough to see and thick ashen flakes of black fluttering down in silence. Everything had become silent here since the daemons had sent the sun to sleep, except for the daemons themselves. Sometimes, when the silence grew unbearably loud, Ardyn sent them screaming, one by one screeching in an odd and twisted harmony. It was pitiful, nothing more and nothing less.

Living an undying life had dulled most of Ardyn’s emotions down. If it wasn’t for his curse, the spark of revenge and the fading hope for peace, he would have gladly died of boredom by now. Ardyn had grown bored of Insomnia. Bored of its ruins that were nothing more than carcasses of what once had been pulsating with life. Bored of seeing the daemons there pop up like mushrooms every single day over the past ten years. Bored of sitting the throne and looking at a godforsaken sky, a godforsaken world.

Maybe it had been boredom that had driven himself here, maybe he had gotten a little sentimental the moment he had felt the cool and familiar pull of ancient magic in blue. It didn’t matter though, he was here, standing on terrain where ancient Solheim had put its criminals behind the bars before deciding on their fate. Two thousand years later the remains of the ancient prison were beyond scarce. A hole in the rock and a path leading deep down into a cave was everything that had survived the attack which had ripped the Taelpar Crag apart, taking away the buildings and monuments that once had fortified the dungeons below.   
It had been here Ardyn had waited to be deported to face his death on Angelgard. It had been here he had cursed the one who had turned his back on him. 

Ardyn strode through the corridors that harboured a different darkness than the one outside. It was fiercer, deeper, ancient. Nothing like the festering wound of light in the sky that occasionally screamed in pain. This darkness were equal to what men would call the chills of death’s wind.  
As he strode deeper and deeper into the dungeon, Ardyn found it not much changed since he had last been here. The only difference would have been the age of the bones that were littering the ground, some clearly younger, some already crumbled and one with the earth.

A peculiar interest was stirred in Ardyn, as he reached the end of a cave. Red shreds of fabric were dangling from the ceiling and magic was pulsating in the air. Magic that raged and burned, flaring up against the cold, making it even more palpable. And the most intriguing point: it felt exactly like his own. Tingling with what one might dare to call excitement, Ardyn proceeded - only to find that he indeed was not alone in this dungeon.

A twisted smirk followed the short notion of surprise.  
“My, who have we here?”

Ardyn had always loved rethorical questions. It was more than redundant to inquire the identity of a man, whose back he would never fail to recognise. The back that had carried him through desert wastelands, the back that had given him shelter in cold nights, the back that had been turned on him when he had needed it the most.

“I was wondering when I would finally meet you here”, the man rumbled as he turned around slowly. “Brandishing your ego just as I remembered it.”

Gilgamesh looked exactly the same from the day Ardyn had last seen him. His hood was still firmly pulled over the long and silver hair and he was still wearing both mask and cuirass.  
“I see you being well armed, although”, Ardyn gestured over to Gilgamesh’s left shoulder, “not so well _armed_ after all. Did you lend my dear brother a hand in mischief?”

A chuff echoed brazenly against the mask.  
“I understand and cannot blame you for your bitterness. But it was not in his Majesty’s service that I lost it.”

“ _Majesty_ ”, Ardyn spat. He wouldn’t have thought it possible but he could feel the despite, rising up in his throat like bile.  
“That ungrateful wretch was never supposed to be called that. The lesser by you.”

“A habit, conditioned by my task.”

“Your original task was with me. And you never called me ‘Majesty’. Not even once.”

Gilgamesh shook his head.  
“I remember a you telling me about how you have never been one for the protocol. I cannot understand what makes you so now.”

Ardyn hissed out a trail of air. Yes, what did it matter now? He had wanted to be called like that when the time had been right, when he would take the throne and Gilgamesh would have been proud of him. But what could have been a reverence appeared to have become but a word, an empty shell of once existing hopes.  
He looked the other man into the eye, a gleaming light of soft purples under the slits of his mask. He was a lot taller than he remembered. Quite similar to Ravus, when the Scourge had taken over.

“I think it is safe to assume that your grandeur is not due to your excel as Shield of the King?”, Ardyn suggested, not quite succeeding in masking his interest about the true cause of Gilgamesh’s inhuman growth.

“And I think you might have traded your wits for spite. Again, I do not blame you.”

This talk would be getting them nowhere. Fairly enough, Ardyn hadn’t expected company on his stroll through the caverns, let alone his oldest friend, closest confidant and biggest vulnerability. One might think he would have had all the time in the world to prepare for such a meeting. One also might be proven wrong. Why was he even existing still?

“Why are you here?”, Gilgamesh suddenly asked, summoning an ironic hiss from Ardyn.

“You know I hate it when you steal my questions.”

“An answer for an answer”, Gilgamesh returned gesturing towards a group of flattened rocks. They sat down.

“You first”, Ardyn squinted at Gilgamesh, a grin on his lips that curved just a tad too firmly.

“I figured you might know, coming to this place of all”, Gilgamesh sighed. “It appears I have been wrong. Well then, as my appearance might convey, I am human no longer. You could have guessed that.”  
Ardyn shot him a disbelieving look. Yes, he could. That was obvious.  
“You really have no idea, do you? It is because of you.”

Now that had not been that obvious and Ardyn found himself surprised. Surprised to feel surprised, but also at his old companion’s words.  
“You might want to elaborate.”

Gilgamesh took a deep breath. It almost seemed like he was reluctant to word it. Ardyn would not let him wriggle himself out of this. And he didn’t need to.  
“This ground holds memories we both do not dare speaking of. I cannot fathom how benighted your mind was as we last spoke but I am convinced you remember cursing me. For... my deeds.”

Ardyn pursed his lips. He remembered shouting at Gilgamesh. _His_ Shield. For abandoning him to die on his own. He remembered the pain he felt that day. Yes.  
“Oh, that I do remember. But you are not seriously trying to tell me that those mindless words of mine are the reason now, aren’t you?”

“That I do not know but it was not the end of my story, as you will learn.”  
Gilgamesh shifted under the clattering armour. He only did this when he was uncomfortable, Ardyn knew that. It almost made him smile.  
“Well, after the day you... after I started serving the Lucian Kingdom, things... changed. I was supposed to... protect the King but the people didn’t let me. Doubt was cast among them. That I could not be trusted. That I waited for a chance to... slaughter the King and take his place. For revenge.”  
He scrabbled with his feet.  
“And I cannot deny that... seeing how a man, cold as him was painted a saint... I wished for a different outcome countless times. But I was not to rebel against the choices of the Gods. When I came to speak before the King and voiced my request, one that was not well received by His Majesty and I insisted on having it granted, I was... struck. The same way it struck you when... when it began to end.”

Ardyn squinted.  
“What are you implying?”

If Gilgamesh still had had both of his arms, he would probably have been fidgeting with his thumbs by now.  
“The darkness got a hold of me”, he said in a low voice. “I have no clear memory of what happened but from what I was told after I woke in the dungeons my eyes had turned black and I had been about to assault the King. Treason was to be punished with death and so they left me there to rot.”

Gilgamesh had been infected? When had that happened? The only person he had been tending to that had been in contact with the Scourge was himself. Ardyn had made sure to keep him away from it but he had never listened when it had come to him. But he couldn’t recall any kind of situation where he could possibly have-- no, he could. Of course, he could. Oh sure, and even more than once.  
An unwelcome guest going by the name of guilt was knocking on Ardyn’s mind. It had not been the Gods that had brought ruin upon him.  
“But you didn’t.”

Gilgamesh inclined his head.  
“Yes, I was not granted peace in death. I have trespassed its border.”

“You have me wondering... what was it that you requested?”

“Permission to visit Angelgard. To lay down flowers where you had left.”

If it hadn’t been a thing of impossibility, Ardyn might have felt a lump in his throat and his heart sink. Gilgamesh had always been devout, believing and worshiping what the Gods deemed to be true. He would not have been capable of a stronger act of defiance than wanting to visit the dying place of the monster they had branded accursed.

“I also found your flame of magic never left me”, Gilgamesh continued. “Maybe this was what kept me lingering. Maybe I was just... holding onto it too tightly.”  
As if to prove it a reddish glow lighted his silhouette. Magic vibrating with what Ardyn had thought to have kept deep down under lock and key. Being actually confronted with it only led to him feeling miserable, angry at the turmoil raging in his very own veins.

“Oh Gil. Fire that’s closest kept burns most of all”, Ardyn sneered, digging his nails into the palms of his hands to keep him from combusting. There was too much emotion piled up. Aeons of trust, loss, deception, rage and hate. Regret and so much more than mere companionship. A broken bond not shredded enough to fully rip apart.  
Injustice.

“I think this is enough about me. How about you explain why you are here?” 

Ardyn held back a snarl for being interrupted and irritated. When he realised how he had tensed up, he let out a sound of self-loathing.  
“How do you do this?”

“Do what?”

“Make me _regret_. Of all possible things...”  
Ardyn’s hand shot up as Gilgamesh was about to say something.  
“Make me sound like nothing more than the failure they wanted to see and I never wanted to be. I certainly have not come here to be but another... _disappointment_.”

“I already saw countless disappointments meet their end here. But you won’t be one of them.”

Ardyn burst out in sudden laughter, shielding his eyes with one hand.  
“You incorrigible fool. What is next? You pitying me?”

“What would you do if I did?”  
Gilgamesh didn’t flinch at the blazing glare Ardyn was confronting him with.  
“Are you truly as presumptuous as to think that you are the only one who has been hurt by the course of events? Then let me assure you, you are no lesser a fool than I. I have seen nothing but injustice happen before my eyes and seen good men crumble to pieces. I am carrying the burden of having feared and doubted in the wrongest moments, begetting nothing but mistrust, death and beyond. And I am still carrying the grief of having stood powerless against the Gods, and thus sealed the fall of what I deemed the most important. Do not speak to me like I know nothing of pain.”

The years had made them bitter and the scars of the past were running deep. Yet, after all this time it felt like Ardyn had experienced the impact of Gilgamesh’s subtly screaming emotions for the first time. It was a sobering splash of icy water right into his face. What had he all missed in the past?

“I am so tired, Ardyn.”  
Gilgamesh’s words came out weary and stripped of any hostility.  
“Holding out here for what seemed like an eternity has drained my powers and I long for rest. I had so much time reflecting on the past that I am on the brink of losing myself. It is not a pleasant feeling.”

“Oh, believe me, Gil, I know far too well”, Ardyn sighed.  
How had the little stroll of his turned into such a laughable event? He didn’t like the sensation of forgiveness that seeped through the back of his head. He had gladly come to chase forgotten spectres of the past, yes, but he hadn’t come here knowing what would be awaiting him, neither to forgive. Yet is seemed that something inside him had already decided to do so.  
In sight of the end, whatever kind of form it would decide to take, everything appeared so trivial. Tying up the loose ends seemed no more but an arm’s length away. 

Ardyn heaved himself up from his stony seat, bringing himself on an eye-to-eye level with the giant Gilgamesh had become.

“So, what is your story? What brought you here?”

Ardyn clicked with his tongue as he averted his eyes.  
“Look, Gil, you know that I am not a saint. Rather the furthest possible opposite. So it figures that you cannot expect me to bring you any kind of salvation with my presence. But I think you have been aware of this by experience for some time already.”  
He pulled his hat deeper into his face.  
“But if you’d be content with dying by my hand, that could be arranged.”

The sound of breath against metal vibrated through the air.  
“Didn’t I just tell you that I trespassed the verge of death? I died on the very day you did.”

“If I didn’t know better, Gil, I’d think you’re trying to tell me something”, Ardyn smiled wryly as he reached out for the mask. Gilgamesh let him take it without resistance.  
Underneath were undeniable marks that the Scourge had engraved into his skin and the prominent scar between his eyes, which were now but an accumulation of magical energy, glowing in their empty sockets. Ardyn’s magic that he had shared with him throughout their journey and that had kept the pieces of the first Shield in history from falling apart.  
Ardyn hovered over the tracks that were mapping Gilgamesh’s face before he closed his eyes. They were alike. They had changed.

Reclaiming his magic was nothing more but a routine. Concentrating on its core, Ardyn drew in glowing strings of red through his fingertips, feeling them tingle and replenishing him with power. It was, in fact, not that much different from assimilating daemons. Apart from connecting with a being that transmitted other feelings than hate and anger.

Ardyn opened his eyes and watched the steady diminishing of light in Gilgamesh’s eyes. It was beautiful.  
“So this is, how you wanted it to end?”, Ardyn murmured as the remains of Gilgamesh’s soul melted into his very body, flooding him with an overwhelming mass of memories flashing right before his eyes.  
“A paltry reward if you ask me.”

“I asked you something different but once again you haven’t answered my question.” Gilgamesh’s lips cracked into a sad but fond smile, as everything around him dissolved into hues of red and pink.  
“But it has always been that way, hasn’t it? You always shielded the parts of your soul that you didn’t want me to see. I wish you would have let me.”

“Enough of the sentimentalities”, Ardyn huffed, a muted smile on his own face. “If this goes on I might even regret that I haven’t.”

Absorbing the last part of magic out of Gilgamesh’s body was easily done. With a soft gasping noise the broken Shield burst into a cloud of glittering particles than were soon be to vanish into nothingness.  
Ardyn looked at the silver mask in his hand, faintly illuminated by some of the particles before their light died down.

“Farewell, Gil”, he whispered as a thumb traced over the piece of ancient craftsmanship that crumbled to pieces under his touch.

Soon enough the dawn would break but gladly enough, Ardyn had nothing left that also could.


End file.
